In reality, a very different conversation should happen first: a manager talks to a manager. Not to find a culprit, but to map the root causes. Were the employee’s goals clear? Did regular 1:1s happen? How were workload and opportunities distributed? What feedback did Mari receive—and when? Only then does it make sense to sit down with the employee; otherwise, we’re asking about symptoms, not causes. Research is fairly consistent: people leave primarily because of management and culture, not first and foremost because of pay. A toxic or confusing management environment predicts attrition more strongly than compensation alone.

Why Start with a Manager-to-Manager Conversation, Not Pay

“Pay and workload” are visible symptoms. A headache signals something else is wrong with your health; treating only the pain doesn’t fix the condition. Work is the same. Behind many resignations lie problematic management practices: unclear priorities, weak planning, opaque decision-making, poor feedback, and a lack of psychological safety. MIT Sloan’s analysis shows that toxic culture is ten times more predictive of attrition than pay structures. The main drivers are experiences of disrespect, unfairness, and unethical behavior by leaders.

Gallup’s findings underscore that the manager is the key lever: at least 70% of team engagement is directly linked to the manager. If a leader is inconsistent or lacks coaching skills, problems quickly show up in motivation, performance, and retention. As for “more money,” McKinsey’s analyses of the big resignation waves found employers overestimate the impact of pay and work-life balance and underestimate belonging, purpose, and the experience of a caring manager. If those are absent, a higher paycheck won’t save the relationship.

Which Manager Behaviors Push People to Leave

Micromanagement and lack of autonomy. When every step is policed and initiative isn’t welcome, the sense of mastery—and motivation—evaporates. Oversight zooms in on petty details instead of the bigger picture: instead of discussing the quality of a presentation, the manager nitpicks punctuation or a couple of typos. Another blow is demanding “initiative” that aligns 100% with the manager’s own views; any contrary initiative is unwelcome—and that message is made clear. Constant control accelerates burnout; it does not assure quality.

Limited (or no) development and career path. Work Institute data shows that lack of career opportunities has been a top reason for resignations for years. When the future is hazy, training is discouraged, and access to new, interesting projects is restricted, employees look elsewhere for a clearer path.

Little recognition and low visibility. When a manager doesn’t notice contributions—or recognition is random and tossed in as an aside during a meeting—people feel treated unfairly. The next step is unequal treatment and a lack of transparency: special opportunities for “inner-circle” people, default favoritism, and closed-door decisions erode trust. MIT Sloan’s research highlights the role of disrespect and unfairness in driving exits.

Unclear goals, poor planning, and excessive workload. “Workload” is often a symptom of weak planning and fuzzy priorities. When expectations, resources, and deadlines don’t line up, people don’t just feel tired—they feel like leaving. All of this is, in fact, the manager’s work left undone.

Absence of psychological safety. Resignation is often a psychological decision triggered by the absence of safety. Teams that can ask questions, make mistakes, and debate without punishment retain both performance and people. Google’s Project Aristotle identified psychological safety as the cross-cutting factor in team effectiveness. Teams led by managers who reject differing opinions—and even pressure dissenters to conform—become passive, waiting only for instructions.

A lack of quality time between manager and employee. How often do managers initiate meaningful conversations on their own? Too often discussions are employee-initiated or tied to “firefighting.” In reality, there are few substantive conversations before a resignation. Many employees don’t tell their manager they’re considering leaving until the decision is made, which means the “rescue window” is lost—often because they don’t trust the manager to act at all.

A “Manager-to-Manager” Conversation Before the Exit Interview

An exit interview is unlikely to save the current situation—the employee has decided to go—but a manager-to-manager debrief can prevent the next resignation. The goal isn’t to assign blame; it’s to locate weaknesses in work design and leadership behavior.

The departing employee’s manager and their direct manager should set aside time and collect the facts that really led to the resignation: goals, workload, development opportunities, 1:1 notes, and so on. The conversation should produce clear answers to questions like:

1. What were the employee’s concrete goals for the last 6–12 months? How were they defined and how often reviewed?
2. How frequent were the 1:1s, and what feedback (dates, examples) was given?
3. Which development opportunities, projects, or trainings were offered? What prevented participation?
4. How were workload, roles, and responsibilities distributed? When did the balance “break”?
5. Where were signs of low psychological safety (avoiding debate, silence in meetings, ideas being sidelined)?
6. When was the employee last recognized publicly and specifically—and for what outcome?
7. Could decisions and opportunities have appeared biased or unfair? What evidence suggests otherwise?
8. Did the manager notice early warning signs (fatigue, withdrawal, disengagement), and what was done?
9. What would you do differently in hindsight (pace, resources, role clarity)?
10. What is one behavior you will change immediately so the rest of the team doesn’t take the same path?

It’s essential to obtain specific, measurable answers. It’s not enough to say the employee “had access to company trainings”; what exactly was offered to this employee?

An Exit Interview That Actually Produces Learning

Once the manager-to-manager debrief has happened, it makes sense to meet the departing employee—and be transparent that a higher-level review has already mapped potential organizational issues. That reduces defensiveness and signals a genuine intent to learn.

Use stay-interview-style questions even if the person has firmly decided to leave:

• What would have needed to happen for you to stay?
• When did you first sense the early warning signs?
• What was the pivotal moment—the moment of truth?
• What single managerial or cultural change would have altered your decision?

Focus on the questions that usually surface only at the exit—and bring them forward. Then provide a brief synthesis: which manager behaviors and which systemic factors collided here? Put in place a two-level corrective plan immediately—manager behaviors (e.g., 1:1 cadence, recognition standards, priority focus) and system changes (role clarity, workload design, decision transparency). When this becomes a default routine, turnover drops and culture and leadership improve markedly.

Time for the Organization to Look in the Mirror

Every departure should be a signal to take a hard look in the mirror. The point isn’t a single resignation, but the pattern it reveals. Track movement across teams and managers. Where is attrition higher? Where are respect/fairness scores lower? Where are 1:1s infrequent—or undocumented? These are early indicators that change is urgent and that the core problem lies in organizational and leadership culture.

Organizations start to improve when they develop managers systematically. Gallup’s most fundamental finding: managers shape 70% of team engagement—which makes manager training and development the highest-ROI investment in retention. Put the “manager basics” in place: goal-setting and follow-through, regular 1:1s, actionable feedback, and creating psychological safety. Managers also need support and coaching from their own leaders. Annual reviews and routine meetings are not enough.

The Exit Conversation Must Start with the Manager

Next time someone says, “They’re leaving—let’s schedule the exit interview,” take one step back and ask: What did we as leaders do—or fail to do—that led to this decision? Research confirms that culture and leadership are the primary drivers of resignations; pay and workload are often their consequences—the ordinary headache masking a deeper condition. Improve leadership fundamentals, restore psychological safety, and make fairness a visible norm, and turnover will decline naturally. Numerous international studies confirm this. It is cheaper and faster to improve organizational culture and leadership than to absorb the costs of a seasoned employee walking out the door.